The Difference Between Men And Women

We all know men and women are totally different and not just physically. Our brains don’t work the same and it’s true to say we often don’t understand each other.

Males and females also do things differently as this e-mail I received today highlights.


MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE





A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:


"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE PROCEDURES have been developed.


Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.”

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on your mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

(Unfortunately a lot of that is true!)



To read more differences between males and females see my Just For Fun page at www.jeanshaw.com

Smiling Is Infectious And Certainly Makes You Feel Good

If ever I am feeling a bit down I just smile. There's something about the action that just makes me feel better even if I have nothing specific to smile about, and I just love the following poem.

Smiling

Smiling is infectious, you catch it like the 'flu
When someone smiled at me today I started smiling too
I passed around the corner and someone saw my grin
When he smiled I realised I'd passed it on to him

I thought about that little smile then realised its worth
A single smile, just like mine could travel round the earth
So if you feel a smile begin don't leave it undetected
Let's start an epidemic quick and get the world infected!

Today, however, I had good reason to smile. I received the following in an e-mail from a very good friend and although I've read them before they just brightened up my day.

Hope they do the same for you.

Did I Read That Sign Right?

On a Restroom DoorToilet
Out of order. Please use the floor below.

In a Laundromat
Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

In a London department store
Bargain basement upstairs.

In an office
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

In an office
After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

Outside a second-hand shop
We exchange anything – bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

Notice in health food shop window
Closed due to illness.

Spotted in a safari park
Elephants please stay in your cars.

Seen during a conference
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is day care on the 1st floor.

Notice in a farmer's field
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, however, the bull charges.

Message on a leaflet
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

On a repair shop door
We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door – the bell doesn't work).


www.jeanshaw.com

Autism - Dancing on Hallowed Ground

If you read my last post you will remember I mentioned Ely Cathedral. Over the years this amazing building been famed for its choirs and organ recitals. It has been featured on the television on several occasions but on Saturday evening it was the host to my son’s dance group.

The Lantern Dance Theatre Group is an integrated company with almost half the performers having severe learning difficulties. However, the “normal” dancers are amazing with them and the performances are brilliant.

This latest performance was quite adventurous with three different pieces of music which actually comprised five different dances. It lasted about an hour and a half which is a long time for anyone to stay quiet.

My autistic son was brilliant though and even when he was not performing and had to stand waiting in the back room ready to come on he remained relatively silent. This was just as well as sounds echo in the vast high ceilinged building covered in amazing stone carvings.

However, it would not have mattered because Jodi is accepted as he is and although the dancers are very serious about their work he is not seen as a distraction. Infact, they see my son as a tonic - a light relief when they are stressed. At eighteen he still possesses that child like innocence with no need to pretend. He often expresses in his own way the things the others might wish to.

The performance touched everyone and there was an air of disbelief at the end. The production was well attended and the comments were far more than that it was "nice". People were genuinely moved.

However, they said things like, “That’s amazing – you wouldn’t think “they” would be able to do that”.

Why not?

Just because someone has a disability it doesn’t mean they can’t necessarily do things. Autism may not be the best diagnosis but it’s not life threatening and the possibilities are endless. All it takes is opportunity and a bit of give and take.

Inclusion can make a big difference to people's lives and not just for the people with a disability. Ask anyone who is involved. (See my Autism and Interdependence post of 18th May)

Why Did Harley-Davidson Come To Littleport?

I live in a small village called Littleport which is set in the fenland countryside of East Anglia. Close by is the city of Ely which boasts a very famous cathedral dating back over 1000 years. The Ship Of The Fens which took 300 years to build towers over the flat landscape and attracts many visitors.

Not so Littleport – at least not normally.

However, last weekend was a bit different.

Suddenly our quite streets came alive to the distinctive sight and sound of hog riders as they rode their Harley Davidson’s

Why did they come?

Well William S Harley of the Harley-Davidson name was born here and still has relations in the area. We’ve got an expensive metal statue of a Harley bike opposite St George’s Church, an estate agent named Harleys and also a shop selling the bikes.

Yes, Littleport is doing its bit for international relations and apart from the Littleport Riots in the 1800’s and the terrible floods in 1947 that’s probably how Littleport will be remembered.

If you want to know what I think about the place you can read my poem

Littleport

Set within the fenlands is the village I call home
Littleport’s expanding fast, it certainly has grown
The locals are all friendly and most will say “hello”
They’ll smile and pass the time of day – it wasn’t always so

Back in the 1800’s that may not have been the case
For taxes led to riots causing havoc in the place
Some labourers went to prison, five hung by their necks
Others went to New South Wales, names changed to keep respect

Years have passed now senseless crime gives Littleport a name
Like vandalism, petty theft by people with no shame
If punishments as years before were deportation, hanging, prison
These mindless individuals might have a different vision

Littleport’s got a lot to offer, has all the shops we need
Butcher, baker, grocer, library for those who read
We have a new health centre, optician, dentist too
Turf accountant if you want to bet, Tattoo parlour –yes that’s true

We’ve a handy bank, Post Office and a useful launderette
Sports centre, pubs and garages, and free parking don’t forget
Two local schools and playgroups, a drop in centre too,
Chapels, Halls, St. George’s Church to suit your point of view

If you’re looking for a carpet, hardware or DIY
Special gift or wedding suit, Main Street’s the place to try
We’ve restaurants and takeaways for all who like to eat
Hairdressers and chiropodist for bad hair or troubled feet

There’s an accountant if you need one, solicitors as well
And even estate agents if you’ve a house to rent or sell
We’ve a very pleasant river, fire station that’s just fine
And a useful railway station which serves the London line

As transport links get better the employment’s not just farming
Industrial parks are growing up with a speed that’s quite alarming
But still we have the rich fen soil and dark and fertile means
Sugar beet, potatoes, wheat, barley, oats and beans

Historically there’s been an annual show where produce was displayed
But development’s meant the site has gone so locals are dismayed
For people came from miles around to celebrate the day
Even Harley riders from as far as USA

Yes, Littleport has got quite a lot, for a village its okay
It’s where I chose to make my home and where I’ll likely stay

Jean Shaw©2007

No Sun Tanned Skin For Me - Doctors Orders!

I'm writing this article outside in the sunshine. Well, actually that's not completely true.

I am outside and the sun is shining beautifully but I'm sitting in the shade. As much as I'd like to feel the heat of the sun on my exposed limbs my days of sunbathing have gone - doctors orders!

Like many people I love to have a tan. It has always made me feel healthier (and slimmer) somehow, and from my mid teens until my early thirties I spent many a happy hour soaking up the sun's rays.

But not any more.

I have done so much damage to my skin over the years that if I had one of those special skin X-rays done I would look about ninety! I've had all sorts of things burned, frozen or cut out and it has to stop before I get the kind of skin cancer that cannot be treated.

Read more...

Autism and Interdependence

One of the biggest problems for people with disabilities, particularly those with a learning disability like autism is the limited opportunity for social inclusion. Here's a poem I've written about it.

INTERDEPENDENCE
Strangers are Friends Waiting To Happen

Jean Shaw ©2007

Inclusion isn't easy, there's steps we all must make
It requires co-operation, a bit of give and take
People make assumptions based on what they see
So being part of my community is hard for one like me

First you must be present, be seen around the place
So you can have a presence, become a familiar face
But in order to participate, get involved like fellow "brothers"
To interact, feel comfortable, requires the help of others

Inclusion isn't easy, I can't do it on my own
My learning disability means I can't be left alone
I need support, a network, friends and family who agree
They're there for just one reason - they want the best for me

Everyone has a right to life, do the things they like to do
Just because I have a problem doesn't mean I'm less than you
Known as Interdependence, natural help, support and aid
To someone who's disabled such a difference it has made

So if you see me out sometime don't just stare and let things end
For if you really got to know me - Who knows? – We could be friends
Inclusion isn't easy, there's steps we all must make
It requires co-operation, a bit of give and take

For more on autism visit http://www.jeanshaw.com

Autism, Probiotics And The Lowly Sandwich

My son has autism and like many autistic individuals his diet had been a major issue.

It is getting better though.

Until he developed autism after his MMR vaccine my son would eat anything. He was a delight to feed.

However, things changed and for years he literally lived on Hoola Hoops. They are small round potato rings with very little nutritional value what so ever.

They come in packs and are ideal for transportation as they don't crush like packets of crisps. I should know as I have often carried suitcases full of them when we have travelled. The only consolation for that is they are light!

Hoola Hoops are convenience foods and ideal to put as an extra in a lunch box. They are better than crisps because they contain less salt, colourings and flavourings than most brands and now, according to the packet, contain 55% less saturated fat than they did in 2006!

Since they were the only things my son would eat he used to take four packets to school with him every day. As desert he would have a packet of Polos. These are round mints with holes in them.

Notice the similarities? – both round with holes in them.

He would eat the same at home, so his staple diet was Hoola Hoops and Polos washed down with fruit juice, never water. We gave him various vitamins and minerals to supplement.

Not any more!

Over the years we have tried all sorts of things with him but by far the most important intervention was to de-tox him for mercury. From then on his diet improved and since we introduced an amazing probiotic he now eats sandwiches, amongst other things which make life a whole lot easier.

I am so grateful to John Montagu. (read more and watch video)


World's First Probiotic Super Food certified Organic to Food Grade Standards