Last night I had a really restless night and today I feel really tired and lethargic.
It's my own fault though. I did something I shouldn't and had a guilty conscience.
Now don't get all excited and think I'm going to reveal something really juicy or controversial. It's nothing like that.
You see my son has autism. He also has a huge collection of old videos which he rarely watches. They just take up space.
This weekend he went away for respite care and as he has just celebrated his 18th birthday I decided to get rid of some of the older ones which I considered inappropriate for his age.
Actually, I could have got rid of most of them using those criteria, but like most people with autism my son likes familiar things so the ones he's watched since a child are his favourites.
Anyway, whilst he was gone I placed some of them outside the door of a local charity shop feeling good that someone else might get enjoyment from them.
However, when I collected my son from his respite care yesterday afternoon he proudly produced two new videos. Apparently he'd found them in some charity shops.
My heart sank – not because he's brought home some more but because the two he'd just bought were different episodes of the videos I'd just given away. I realised he must have been collecting them.
My son doesn't really speak so I had no way of knowing but once the possibility hit me I knew I had to get them back.
I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned and thought what a rotten mother I was until eventually I could stand it no longer. As dawn was breaking I left my son sleeping in the care of his elder brother and went to the shop to try and retrieve them.
I felt like some sort of thief and hoped no-one would see me but they'd gone!
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